


Am I like him?

by J49



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-04-17 14:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14190816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J49/pseuds/J49
Summary: Kingston comes back from his dad's acting quiet and distant. Gwen and Blake are worried but a suggestion that maybe Blake could get the answer out of him sends them on a little adventure together





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OK so I'm new to this. BUT I think I've literally read everything there is and now I'm eagerly waiting on people to update. I had an idea and it's purely because I think how much Kingston looks like Gavin (eurgh, spit). I'm quite shy and have never done anything like this before, hope it's ok.

Gwen and Blake were nervous and excited in equal measure. Gwen just wanted her babies back after 2 long weeks they had spent with their Dad and his family. For Blake it was different. He was nervous that they'd come back and be a bit distant because they'd spent time with their Dad, their REAL Dad and had grown up too much for a hillbilly cowboy.  
Gwen squeezed his hand and gave him an encouraging smile.  
"They've told you every day they miss you"  
"Yeah, but..."  
"No buts Cowboy"

Gwen didn't want to admit it to Blake but she was worried by what the nanny had reported about a week into the trip. The boys were enjoying themselves for sure but King had been quiet after the first week and just seemed a bit subdued. Gwen needed to see for herself because it seemed it only got worse as time went on.  
Gavin had noticed it and had phoned her 2 days ago when they were arranging return details. He didn't say much more than he had seemed quiet, hadn't wanted to open up and assured him he wasn't sick.

Gwen nervously looked at the clock and her phone, waiting. Todd had picked the kids up as sometimes it felt easier when they had been apart for longer and neither parent wanted to watch their lids tear off and run into the others arms! It felt like they wanted the other more but in reality were just glad to see them. FaceTime everyday was a given in the co-parenting agreement and Gwen didn't know what she would do without her daily updates and chats with her 3 boys. Blake was a convert to the world of FaceTime but loved nothing more than catching up with the boys while he could see their excited faces and expressions while they replayed their stories. 

Betty heard it first and Gwen and Blake jumped up holding each other's arms and ran for the door. They flung it open as the car was stopping in the drive. The doors opened and Zuma and Apollo set off running towards their Mom while Blake stood back a minute. Gwen held her babies close and felt her eyes fill with relief and love at having her family home. 

Wait. She looked up and saw King standing next to the car looking shy and nervous. He'd always carried more seriousness and a maturity no child should deserve since the divorce but he was giving off emotions in waves, even though his face was still. 

"King?" She said in a shaky breath.

Blake's brow furrowed and he stepped out from behind her and into the sunlight and out of the shade of the house. 

"King buddy, come here with your brothers. We missed you". Blake was worried but tried not to let his voice show it. The nanny and Todd were standing waiting at the car looking between Blake and Kingston. Blake felt his heart drop and a bucket of ice tipped right deep into his soul. It had happened. The oldest of his 3 boys had changed. 

What happened next shocked everyone. King took one look at Blake and for the briefest second a look of pain shot across his face but before Blake and Gwen had time to react he set off running. He ran straight towards the house, past his mum's outstretched hands and straight to Blake who hadn't expected it at all and who let out an 'ooft' at the contact.

"Hey, Hey, shhh it's fine. You're home with me and your mom now" he tried to reassure while giving Gwen a perplexed look as he hugged Kings thin body to his. He felt a small wet patch on his chest so whispered to Gwen to take the kids inside. He continued to run his hands through the boys head and rubbed his shoulders gently. He was tense, he could tell but Blake could not work out for the life of him what was wrong. He had been with his dad and 2 brothers at all times. 

King gave him a final squeeze before letting him go.

"I should go and say hi to Mom shouldn't I?"  
"If you're ready. She'll be waiting, whenever you're ready though bud. She loves you kid"

King looked like he was about to disagree which set klaxons and alarms off on Blake's head. No way would any of the kids doubt Gwen's love for them. Something must have happened. They needed to get to the bottom of this. Blake sighed and walked in, stopping in the kitchen doorway to watch as Gwen and Kingston were hugging in a tight embrace as Betty danced about.  
"I'm sorry I hugged Blake first"  
Blake smirked as Gwen chuckled before replying  
"That's ok baby, he does give the best hugs"  
"Can I go and put my stuff in my room and check on my things?" Kingston asked his Mom quietly.  
"Yep! The boys are already ahead of you. Once you get settled round them up then I'm thinking pizza and film!"  
"Perfect" he smiled back. 

As her first born, her sensitive soul and all round future gentleman left the room Gwen drew in a shaky breath and turned to Blake with tears in her eyes  
"What the fuck is going on, that's not my son that left 15 days ago!!! What happened?!? Baby what do I do?"  
He gathered her in his arms and shushed her as her tears fell. He felt a feeling in his chest like never before. Like a part of his soul has been awakened. Was this some sort of parental protection instinct kicking in. He wanted to wrap the 11 year old up and tell him everything was Ok, demand to know who or what had upset him and take his shotgun for a trip to make things right!  
...

"Mom" a quiet voice from the doorway said.  
Blake and gwen didn't break apart but turned as one to the doorway to see Zuma standing nervously shifting from foot to foot.  
He padded over barefoot and nuzzled in with them and breathed them both in.  
"I need to ask you guys something but I can't tell you why or explain or answer your questions" he said looking at the floor.

Gwen and Blake locked eyes and silently have a quick conversation and both agree this is important and they will agree to whatever Zuma said.  
"Course bud, come on over and let's talk properly" Blake took the lead while Gwen dried her eyes.  
Gwen sat next to her son on the sofa and held his hand while Blake sat on the coffee table directly in front with his shins meeting Zuma's knees.  
"Mom, see how Blake is going to Tish in a few days" he paused, they sensed be was stalling for time. Blake's heart jumped again, did they not want him back?!?!  
"Yeah baby, what is it. Do you want to go? I know we weren't but only because he's going for 2 nights and we need to get all you're new school stuff..." Gwen trailed off but Blake remained too nervous to speak.

"Not exactly....ummm well it's like this...can you ask Kingston to go with you"  
Silence from the adults. They locked eyes while Zuma looked at his feet. Blake cleared his throat which had got awfully tight when he thought the boys didn't want him anymore.  
"Zumes, you gotta give us more than that. We're worried about your brother. Did someone say or do something that hurt his feelings" 

NO! Gosh no, nothing like that but...i can't...i wish I could but....I promised!!! He's my big brother!! 

Gwen soothed him and asked him  
"If you can promise me he's safe and he's ok, he's not running away from something?"  
"I promise Mom. I promise Blake. But you can't tell him I told you"

Zuma stood up and surprised Blake by leaning into him for a hug. He squeezed and whispered  
"He needs this, he needs you".

He ran off back to his room leaving the adults sitting looking at each other, speechless. 

"Can you take him? Don't you have lots to do" Gwen asked.  
"Nothing that he can't help me with I guess. He's old enough and my Mom, Mike and Endy will be there. But I've never taken any of the kids away overnight on my own. I can cut short the trip if we need to. And I'll be in contact all the time. It might even be good for him, he's old enough to be more involved but will he be ok with just me in my place? It's different here, at home, when you're away"

"I trust you. If you don't mind then I think we should try it. I dont know how i feel about sending him off again the way he is but Zuma has suggested it for a reason. He knows more than we do at this point baby. God help us when Apollo finds out"

They sighed together, each with worries swimming in their heads.


	2. Boys time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK wow so thank you so much for reading. Feel like a newbie trying to find my bearings lol. So I should point out that I'm not going to be able to write decent American English and defo not 'country'. I'm from Scotland in the UK so excuse my rubbishness at the way Blake speaks in these! Aside from a y'all and a yeehaw, I'm stumped! It sounds amazing and I love reading it in other fics.  
> 

That night was quiet and there was a mellowness in the air. Apollo was too little to notice so he just babbled along to anyone who would listen and randomly shoved toys in their faces when he wasn’t getting enough attention from them. Zuma watched mostly, as was his way. He tried to give his Mom and Blake encouraging smiles but didn’t know how to make Kingston see what he sees, but more importantly what everyone doesn’t see.  
Zuma was proud of his older brother, he had always looked up to him and was jealous of how he always seemed unfazed by everything. Zuma was lucky, he had an older brother to look up to but King didn’t, he was the big brother. When the boys had come home Kingston had put his bags in his room, pulled off his skinny jeans and tshirt and pulled on his baggier jeans and camo tshirt. Zuma had stopped in the doorway and watched his big brother puff his chest out a bit in fron of the mirror once he had his favourite camouflage tshirt on. The boys were careful not to take any camo to their dads as it just seemed to scream BLAKE!!  
Kingston sang his favourite song inside his head and wondered briefly if he could use his pocket money to buy the cd while he was out with the nanny. He was always careful not to be heard out loud in front of his dad now. Music was difficult to enjoy and explore when both your parents were in the business and although his mom would never push any music taste on him his dad was a different story. King wondered if this was just a part of growing up and parents not wanting to let go. With a sigh he scrunched his hair up a bit and headed down to collect his younger brothers and he wondered if there would be popcorn. Family movie night wasn’t the same without popcorn!

Gwen was fidgeting and glancing at her 3 boys almost constantly. Blake was lying out on the couch, watching Gwen and the three boys with one eye and the tv with the other.  
“Hey baby, c’mere”, Blake whispered to Gwen as he pulled her feet onto his lap and started rubbing her feet and ankles. Gwen traced her fingernails up and down Blake’s forearm and inhaled deeply against his shirt she had stolen to snuggle up in. Gwen thought back to when Blake first came into their life and how Kingston was more difficult to win over. Not for any reason other than that her oldest son had seen more of the divorce and the aftermath than most kids should ever. He had known the nanny the longest, heard the arguments, saw his mom fade away in front of him and lost his dad in his day to day life. He had helped her hide a lot from Zuma and was the one who was woken when her and Gavin were arguing, well Gavin shouting and her crying. When he met Blake the first time it was on the set of the Voice and Gwen had taken him in with her when she popped in to pick up a forgotten bag. She’d left King sitting with one of the show runners, talking about school and giggling at some of the stories he was hearing. Gwen had bumped into Blake and kept an eye on her son as she and Bake chatted. Gwen knew when she talked to Blake time felt like it was slowing down and the weight that was slowly crushing her heart and soul was lighter. She never went beyond that thought and concentrated on making him feel as appreciated as she did.  
When Gwen and King had left and hopped back into the car he said the one thing that cracked through her hard shell she’d built for self preservation.  
“Dad never makes you laugh like Blake does” he stated with fact and innocence in a way that only a child can do. He followed it up with something even more crushing  
“I miss your laugh”. His words rolled off and crashed into her like a tidal wave and she felt panic rising. What damage was she doing to her kids. She stopped her thoughts and reached over and told him “Well, we’ll just have to start doing more fun stuff don’t we?”  
She sometimes wondered if Kingston thought her and Blake had had something going on before she split with Gavin, or if he even remembered that conversation. Gwen had tried to protect all her boys, hell her entire family, from the truth of Gavin's part in the marriage breakdown but what if all this time Kingston was secretly blaming Blake? Gwen had so much love for her 3 boys, 4 including Blake and she wanted more than anything to have her happy family dream come true.  
…  
Gwen snapped out of her funk as Kingston came up to the sofa where she and Blake were sitting. She went to move her feet and sit up to pat the seat next to her for King to sit but he looked at Blake and hovered. Since when has her son 'hovered' in any situation? They were all typical boys who threw themselves around and plopped their butts down wherever they wanted!  
“Umm Blake, could you maybe tell me the story again about the first time you ever met my mom?” he asked quietly. If Blake was surprised by the question he hid it well but Gwen’s mind was spinning.  
“Well, as you know I had done the Voice for a long time already and your Mom was invited to join us for a season. Your mom, the queen of ska, coolest rock chick around and I was going to get the chance to meet her. Me, the country guy with the funny voice and the guitar! So one day your mom rocks up and when I say rocks up I mean it! There we are sitting in our jeans and shirts having a coffee and in walks this force to be reckoned with! She had an air around her, and if I’m honest, I was worried she would be a bit of a diva but I couldn’t have been more wrong. She brought cookies that you and Zuma had made the night before and a cake that she had made incase we didn’t want lime green slime cookies!! When she spoke she was honest and fresh and…just your mom. Its hard to explain bud but as you get older you’ll meet people who will change your life. You know I wasn’t happy back then when I first met your mom but that wasn’t just it. She had this way of looking into your eyes and making everything around seem a little bit brighter and happier. I remember she asked things when she spoke to people and cared about everyone and anyone. When she left the room it was like when the sun goes behind a cloud and everything is a little bit colder. I wished that I would be lucky enough to call her a friend as time went on” Blake quietly told him as he listened attentively. As Blake had started talking King had dropped down in the seat beside him and leaned into his shoulder surprising the country star again. 

“Did you think she was pretty?” King asked, curious but Blake could tell there was another question underneath it but was damned if he knew what!  
“Umm well of course I thought she was pretty but from the way she spoke about her family, her music and you, Pollo and Zumes she was beautiful. Gwen had teared up listening to Blake talk. It’s a difficult situation since both were married back then, not even suspecting what lay ahead. She was baffled as to why King wanted to hear the story again.  
“Did you want to kiss her”  
What the actual fuck is going on in his head right now Blake wondered as he heard Gwen gasp.  
“No buddy I didn’t. Remember I was with someone then and so was your mom. All I wanted from your mom was friendship and if I was lucky, to be in her bubble of happiness” he hesitated before continuing “King, have I don’t something to upset you along the way? It’s ok to talk about feelings you know, your mom taught me that”.  
“No, I just want to understand”  
“Gwen baby why don’t you take the kids to make some popcorn so we can talk some more” Blake asked her in a lighthearted tone with pleading eyes. She scanned his and King’s face before nodding.  
“OK, sure. Zuma wanna help me make some popcorn, the MEN are talking” she said in a jokey voice, winning a giggle from Apollo and a chuckle from Zuma. 

Blake was nervous and his mind (and heart) was racing. They never sing about this in country songs!!! Taking on 3 kids with a divorced musical icon that ask the kinda questions that make you question everything you think you know. He kept his face open when he faced King and turned in his seat to face him.  
“Buddy, you’re worrying us. Did something happen that you maybe want to talk about? You can talk to your mom, or Todd, or Jen or…” he trailed off.  
King took a deep breath and looked searchingly into Blake’s eyes. “Why don’t you hang out as much with me as you do with Zuma or Apollo”.  
Blake had a flashback to the first couple of times he met the boys when him and Gwen were dating early on. Apollo thought Blake was funny and had a funny voice so loved coming to him for a cuddle and a tickle. Zuma had asked lots of questions about the ranch, the animals, tractors, farms…the list was never endless and their bond was quick and strong. But Blake always felt a little bit unsure with King in the early meetings, Kingston was more serious and you couldn’t always read him. Blake knew he had seen more hurt and damage during the destruction of his parents’ marriage and Blake knew better than anyone that you can carry that baggage for years. King was slower to warm to him it seemed but Todd had taken his aside once and explained that Kingston didn’t like to trust people immediately. His own dad had broken his mom’s (and his) trust so why should he trust any person who comes into their family now? As much as it had broken Blake’s heart to hear it, it made sense. The boys had gone from a mom and a dad, to a mom-and-a-boyfriend, and a dad-and-the-nanny-or-whoever. Blake took it slow with him and let the oldest son warm to him and come to him when he was ready. He loved King just as much as the other two but knew the bond had taken longer to take. But he thought the world of the oldest boy and would go to the ends of the earth to protect him. Had he done it wrong??  
Shit, shit, shit, shit Blake thought. How the hell do I make this right.

Just then Apollo came running through to Blake shouting for Betty who was lying at his feet. He stopped and leaned on Blakes knee, balancing with one hand while he reached down to give the dog a bite of his biscuit. Kingston sighed loudly and went to get up. Blake's heart went out to King in that moment.  
“GWEN, King and I are going to walk Betty, the two of us. Back soon, love you” he called through to her. Betty was up like a shot and Kingston stopped and turned round. He met Blake’s eyes and nodded slightly.  
"OK love, be safe. King, stay with the cowboy" she called through.  
They set off at an amble, side by side. Both had their hands in their pockets and heads dipped while Betty sniffed innocent leaves and blades of glass like they were hiding her favourite biscuits.  
“King, I don’t know what you want me to say but I love you three boys equally”.  
Kingston shook his head at his words and shrugged. “I dunno, we don’t have as much in common. People are only friends with people who like the same stuff”.  
“What?! Who told you that!? You and Zuma are so different but you love him right? And look at your mom and me! Who’d have thought we would end up friends, never mind together?! Buddy maybe your mom could explain it better and maybe I’m just simple with this stuff but to me it’s straightforward. You love people when they have similar values to you. You know what’s important to your friends and you don’t do anything to hurt them. You can be best friends, or in a relationship with someone who hates your taste in music, doesn’t like your football team or sport. But it’s who you are as a person that defines your relationships. I love you because of the way you look after your mom, your brothers and your little cousins. The fact that you always without fail leave your sneakers at the front door even though you’ve been told a million times to pick them up. I love the fact that you tried fishing and camping! You’re never scared to try something new, help your friends or anyone with anything. You are going to grow up to be a fantastic young man because you’re already an awesome kid! Oh, and I especially love your tshirt by the way”  
King looked down at his camo tshirt and smiled. His eyes looked sad still and it broke Blake’s heart a little. Whatever thoughts the kid was wrestling with were doing a number on him. As they headed back towards the house Blake put his arm across Kingston’s back and rested his hand on his shoulder.  
“Bud, I’m so proud of you, who you are and the way you look after your mom and your brothers. But you are a kid, don’t worry so much. Please. Look, me and your mom were going to speak to you later about this and I don’t know if she’ll kill me for asking you already but do you want to come to Tish with me this week.” Before King had even opened his mouth, he rushed on.  
“It’s only 2 nights and we can facetime home as often as you want. We’d just be fixing up a few things, checking on stuff but we could camp, or make a fire, or…well… You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, was just an idea. My mom will be there and would love to see you..” Blake trailed off again.  
“Really?! I can come? Just me and you” King repeated back hopefully.  
“Yeah buddy, you on me. Boys on tour” he laughed.  
“Yeehaw!” King shouted and set off to the house to tell his mom.  
“Crap, I might be in so much trouble” he muttered to Betty who licked his hand in a comforting way. He trudged in the house after Betty and snuck his head round the door. When he took the sight in he felt like the warm glow in his heart that he was sure he never had before he met Gwen. He had thought she might be angry he had told him first and hadn’t waited for her to be there but when he saw Gwen standing with her arms wrapped round King, her head resting on the top of his and a big smile on her face, Blake knew he had done the right thing.  
I love you, she mouthed to him and squeezed her biggest baby boy tighter. Blake walked up to them, kissed Gwen on the head and ruffled King’s hair before resting his hand on the back of King’s neck.  
Blake knew he’ll have to tell Gwen everything they talked about once the boys were in bed but his heart swelled because he thinks he’s just passed some step-parent type challenge. King snapped him out his thoughts as he extracted himself from Gwen’s embrace and hooked his left arm round Blake’s middle, pulling him into the cuddle. Gwen adjusted to put an arm around Blake too and locked eyes with her cowboy. They locked eyes before silently agreeing with a small sigh.

Gavin did this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so...confession time! I was too scared to read the comments so I didn't! I went on holiday to Munich in Germany last week and finally had the courage to read them (weirdly lol). I just want to say thank you all very much to everyone that took the time to comment. I'm still very new to this but hopefully my confidence will build as I post chapters! I have the next chapter half finished too.  
> Again, thank you all! Every single kudos and comment make me smile so much!

Gwen paced in the bedroom while Blake was in the shower. Today was the day he and King were heading off on their own to Tish for a few days. She knew he was safe with the cowboy but this was the first time her eldest had been away without a direct relative. The same questions just looped around her head.

What if something happens and I’m not there??

What if Blake can’t handle him on his own for 3 whole days??

What if King acts up??

But more importantly Gwen worried what was going on inside King’s head. Gwen knew she was worrying unnecessarily about them going away but Kingston was still her baby. Before his brothers came along it was just the two of them for so long. Gavin toured and wrote songs in unsociable hours. He wasn’t an absent father but Gwen and Kingston had a special bond. Even though Gwen made sure to spend time with all of her children on their own doing their favourite things the two youngest never knew what it was like to have her completely to themselves. Sometimes Gwen felt overwhelmed with how grown up King could be and she worried by leaving Gavin, how much she had impacted on his childhood. But when Gwen had her three babies around her and Blake there too, there was just too much laughter and love for her to feel like she made the wrong decision. The kids all seemed a bit more relaxed and affectionate since the divorce and she fleetingly wondered if they were more aware of the constant tension than anyone had even realised.   
Blake came out the bathroom and was startled by the way Gwen was heavily pacing the room, so deep in her thoughts she hadn’t noticed him come out. 

“Baby” he whispered.

The pacing continued and the furrow in her brow remained in place. He walked over and blocked her path.

“Baby” he repeated a bit louder, and moved his hand to lift up her chin as she came to a stop in front of him. He was sad to see tears threatening to spill over. He gave her a gentle smile.

“I’ll look after him” he solemnly said as he looked into her eyes and grabbed her hand with his other one, lacing his fingers though hers. 

Gwen felt guilty, how could he think she was worried about him not being able to look after him. She shook her head and buried her face in his chest. He rested his chin on her head and gave her a minute. It was moments like this that made his heart beat louder as it swelled with love. When there was chaos (as there often was with careers, three boys, two families, a ranch, a house sale, tabloid lies etc.) going on around them there was nothing that grounded them as a couple was just being in each others arms. Gwen breathing in his outdoorsy cowboy scent, listening to the steady beat of his heart and Blake letting her fruity shampoo tickle his nose and the rhythm of her breathing fill his ears.   
Gwen sighed and Blake felt her get ready to speak.

“I feel jealous” she blurted out. To say Blake was baffled was an understatement so he just rubbed gentle circles on her back and hoped she would elaborate.   
“It’s just…I’m used to fixing stuff for them. Or them coming to me. Or even knowing what was even wrong! I’m his mom, I should be able to fix this! But I don’t know. Zuma knows! He knows King needs time with you. But why not me? I’m his mom!! Am I not good enough anymore?” she cried out.

She continued in a whisper “And, if this was his dad, how can I have married, nd stayed married, to someone like that. By default, it’s MY fault”

“Gwen, stop” Blake stated.

“Babygirl you couldn’t be any further from the truth. Whatever is going on with him you’re still his mom and he loves you. They all do. You’ve given them everything and they know it. They don’t ask or want for anything. You give them love, affection and a safe home. I don’t know why King wants to spend time with me or why Zuma knows it’s what he needs but I do know we’ll get through this if you let me help. As a family.”

Even though Blake meant everything he said he still wondered exactly how he was going to help King. Maybe he had to just go with the flow and see where Kingston took him. Maybe the kid just needed some time away and one on one with the cowboy. Blake knew he treated the oldest differently but it was a difficult age between being a kid and being a teenager. Plus, King had a way of seeing through you in the same way Gwen did. You couldn’t bullshit King and Blake just hoped he had it in him to help. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Gwen lifting her face up to him, silently asking for a kiss. He obliged. Obviously. Gwen frigging Stefani anyone?!

She smiled into his face and he was relieved to see the signs of worry gone. Well maybe not gone, but the tension had left. 

“I don’t know how you do it cowboy but I love you” she leaned in again for a deeper kiss. 

“All part of the southern charm m’am” he drawled out in an exaggerated accent. 

They were interrupted by Zuma at the door.

“Mom, King’s ready. I think the only things that aren’t camo are his socks. And even then it’s only half”

They had decided that only the nanny would take Blake and King to the airport, less chance of them being noticed. As Gwen swept down the stairs and into the room she chuckled. King looked like a mini version of Blake. He had his oversized camo tshirt and baggier trousers on. The Blake look was complete with a backwards baseball cap that had his dyed blond hair hanging under. 

“I swear you get taller every day baby boy” Gwen said quietly as she pulled him in for a hug.

Blake appeared in the room behind her, dressed and with his overnight bag in his hand. He put in on the floor as she told both to sit on the nearest couch.

“Right, rules” Gwen said in a serious tone.

Blake turned to look at King and put a mock frightened look. King gave him a small smile and Blake vowed to himself to make that a full smile by the time they got home.

“King, Blake’s in charge and do as he says at all times. Text me when you land and when you get to the house. Facetime, please? Any problems I’ll have my phone on me at all times. And please if you could, don’t try to make Apollo too jealous when he sees where you are” she laughed at the end as she spoke. 

“Mom, I promise. Thank you for asking me to go with Blake. I promise I won’t let you down” King answered in a very grown up voice Gwen thought.

“Oh, and lastly, kisses and hugs before you both leave” Gwen added in.

They both got up and walked over to her. Blake gave her a kiss and a hug first and gestured to the bags. He went to lift them and head to the car to give his girl sometime to say bye to her son.

Gwen put an arm round King’s shoulders and steered him towards the door. They both stopped and Gwen looked into his sad eyes.

“King, I am so proud of the man you are becoming and how much of an amazing big brother you are. You’re still a kid, please don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You will always be my baby even when you have babies yourself!”

“Mom, thanks for letting us go. Really. I love you. I’ll look after Blake” King added in a jokey way that has been absent the last few days,

“I love you” Gwen said as she reached out and squeezed him tight. King repeated it back before jogging over to Blake and climbing in the passenger seat. 

Gwen leaned against the doorframe and she felt Zuma by her side.

“He’ll be ok mom. I promise. Blake is a great dad type isn’t he?” Zuma said quietly while waving to the retreating car. 

“Gwen looked down at Zuma, shocked at what he’d said. 

“The best” she whispered and didn’t bother to brush off a tear that was rolling down her cheek. She felt Zuma go back into the house but she stayed where she was for a few minutes, just looking out at the sky. She looked at the gorgeous colours and said a silent prayer to God to look after them both. When she finished she clicked the door shut and went to find her phone. She wouldn’t settle until she knew their plane had landed.

“You wanna pick the station bud?” Blake asked. He didn’t know whether to speak, to keep quiet or to keep a running commentary of stuff as they passed by on their way to the airport.

“Cool!” King exclaimed as he strained forward in his seat to reach the dial and starting jumping through the stations. 

Blake smiled at himself and put his hand on the kids head.   
“Nice cap by the way, you’ve got good taste”. They both chuckled. It was Blake’s hat, Kingston had borrowed one night at the ranch when they were sitting out the back and the temperature had dropped as the sun set. Blake had jerked his head to beckon him open and pulled him in between him and Gwen, wrapping his arm around both of them and had, without thinking, pulled his hat off and popped it onto King’s head. He remember how he could feel the love for the kids growing in stages. When King had shifted his body to lean into his side and adjusted the hat down to his ears before looking up straight into Blakes eyes, the cowboy had felt something shift in their relationship.

He’d tried to explain it to Gwen later and she had taken his face in her hands and whispered to him  
“Babe, that’s love and trust. That’s what it’s like to have children. You know you love them, of course you do. But sometimes you feel it, like really feel it and you wish the moment could last forever.

Blake had never asked for the hat back, King never offered it and they both accepted it was now King’s. Although for Christmas that year King had shyly given him a present from just him. A brand new hat. Blake had laughed hard and enthusiastically put it on his head. 

Guilt. That was the feeling that was creeping into the country stars stomach. Why was he only now looking back at these moments. He and King had shared some close times but they had been swallowed up by daily family life. Bake vowed to change that. He had a duty to show King how much he meant to him and how much he appreciated him. More importantly, Blake wanted to make him feel wanted and loved. With a bit of Oklahoma fun thrown in the boys would have a blast!

They boarded the plane and Blake gave King his phone to update Gwen on their movements before finding a seat. He was surprised when King came and sat right beside him.

Later on Gwen was brought out of her daydreams by a message.

“Shhhh. I’m going to facetime you but stay quiet. Don’t answer if not possible”

“Go ahead cowboy xxxx”

She held her phone facing her in a deathgrip as she waited for it to start ringing. When the familiar tune started she quickly accepted the call and fought the urge to say hello and ask a barrage of questions. At first she could see Blake’s face and he brought his finger to his lips again. Gwen nodded. He panned the camera down slightly and Gwen looked at her oldest son, asleep, on Blake’s shoulder. 

She squeezed her lips together as she tried to keep the tears back. Blake let her just watch him for a few seconds before he angled it back towards himself. She mouthed the familiar “I love you cowboy” and he nodded before blowing a silent kiss.

She grabbed a screenshot and waved before hanging up. For the first time since they had left Gwen smiled and finally felt herself start to relax. She made herself a cup of tea, wrapped herself in one of Blake’s plaid shirts and looked back at the picture. 

A text came through later

“We’re here safe. Going to get some sleep for an early rise in the morning. We both love you and miss you”.

Gwen climbed the stairs to bed, stopping to look at her two youngest before stopping in King’s doorway. She wandered over to his bookshelves and smiled at the faces smiling back at her from the pictures he’d deemed cool enough to be framed. Wait…where was Gavin? King had always had a picture of himself with his dad and Gwen had never had a problem with it. What was very weird was that it was definitely missing. In its place was the picture from last Mother’s Day when the three boys had made her lunch and after had all piled on the sofa for a DVD. Gwen had lifted her phone up and held it at arms length trying to capture all five faces. She remembered how there was kids small limbs poking everywhere and Apollo had stood on Blake’s stomach in his excitement at getting in the shot too. 

All clues pointed to Gavin but Gwen was baffled as to what it meant. She knew in her heart that he tried to be a good father and wouldn’t knowingly hurt any of her children but something had soured between her son and his dad and Gwen was damned if she wouldn’t get to the bottom of it. 

She stroked the picture before turning and continuing on to her own, empty, bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Blake lay in bed reading emails, tweets and flicking through some pictures he’d saved of his family. He sighed when he saw the three boys looking happy and carefree and wished this was just a passing phase they were caught up in just now. He locked his phone, pulled his pillow down and wriggled around trying to get a comfortable position sleeping on his own. He still felt the extra responsibility of having Kingston with him. He lay awake for a little while longer, thinking about what to do tomorrow before he finally drifted off. 

…

Blakes eyes popped open and he looked out into the darkness. He felt for Betty at the side of him but it wasn’t her shifting that had woken him. He lifted his head off his pillow and towards the door. He had left a light on further down the hall incase King got up during the night and didn’t know where to go. The soft glow from the hall showed there was a kid standing in his doorway. 

“King, buddy, what’s wrong?”

“Umm, I can’t sleep so I thought I’d come and see if you or Betty were awake”

Blake reached up and rubbed his hand over his face, trying to waken his body up a bit too. He tried to kick his brain into gear and knew sending him back to bed would be the wrong thing to do.  
“Well, I have an idea. It helps me when I can’t sleep” Blake answered as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was wearing the PJ bottoms the kids had given him for Christmas, they had little cartoon cactuses all over them. When he’d been packing they’d brought a smile to his face as he’d noticed just how much of an impact the three boys had had in his life. Whether it was the hand drawn picture of Betty on the fridge at the ranch, or the lasso covered socks he’d been given when they boys were on a trip with their grandparents, the boys had worked their way into his house, heart and family so well. It may have taken time but they got there in the end.

He groaned as his back cracked as he got up   
“Man, I’m getting old” he spoke to the room. When he heard King snigger he smiled into the semi darkness. He’d crack it again just to hear his giggle. He wondered at what point giggles became laughs. He doubted he had a booming laugh when he was a kid but he knew that King was young enough to giggle but old enough to laugh too. Zuma was a giggler and Apollo, well he was just a smiler and giggler. Are these the random things that parents face as their kids grow. He was in a privileged position with the three boys being at different ages, he got to see it all. 

He stooped to pick up a hoody and pulled it over his head as he walked to the door. King backed up to let him through the doorway and slumped his shoulders when Blake initially steered him back towards his honorary bedroom, assuming that he was getting accompanied back to bed.

“Right bud, grab slippers or shoes and a thick hoody, you’ll need it where we’re going” Blake told him as he walked with King, one hard on his shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. All of Gwen’s boys liked physical affection but it was always easier with the smaller two. Blake was getting annoyed at himself. He constantly made excuses to himself about Kingston being older, more mature, harder to be a father type too but really he was being stupid. King didn’t want anything different that Zuma and Apollo. He didn’t need to have King on his lap the way he did with Apollo. He could walk beside him with a hand on his shoulder, put his arm round him or bump up against him on the sofa. He knew he’d have to up his game and if nothing else, this trip had already taught him things about himself and it hadn’t even started!

They headed to the kitchen and Betty weaved between them, doggy butt wiggling in excitement as the biscuit tin was opened.   
“Ha! Settle down girl. These are cowboy cookies” Blake spoke to the dog as he gestured to Kingston to get glasses out the drying rack. After she looked up at him, guiltily reminding him he was responsible for her being out of bed at 4AM he caved.

“Ok, ok. I’m getting yours. Keep your hair on!!”

He pulled open the fridge in his hunt for milk to complete the picnic.

“Jackpot” he excitedly exclaimed and held up chocolate milk triumphantly.  
“Mom got us the good stuff!” he added as he headed towards the patio doors. He went out onto the decking and dumped the stuff on the table. King followed and put the glasses on the table.

Blake nipped back inside and returned with two thick blankets.

“Perfect. Take a seat and make yourself comfortable.” He instructed after he’d lain one blanket on the seat.

King looked at him and jumped over to the blanket, his eyes shining with excitement. Blake sat next to him and draped the second blanket over their legs and up their bodies so it was almost at King’s chin. He dragged the table over a bit so it was closer, poured some chocolate milk in each glass and opened the cookies and Oreos. He handed a glass over and King took a big gulp and turned to Blake grinning with a chocolatey moustache.

“Fast forward 10 years” Blake chuckled as he spoke.

“What?” the young boy answered.

“Your moustache. I can’t wait to see you grow facial hair! With your mom’s influence I’m sure you’ll rock a handlebar moustache” Blake was grinning and lifted his arm and put it along the back of the seat. 

King laughed and turned his head to Blake. Blake glanced down and was warmed inside to see a sparkle in King’s eyes. He had missed it more than he noticed. He wanted to keep it there so kept talking.

“Well, saying that, in 10 years time we’ll be having your first legal beer!” He backtracked a bit as he realised what he had said.  
“I mean, our first legal beer together, not your first. I’m sure you’d want to have that with your friends, your mom or your dad.” He trailed off, praying he hadn’t undone all his work.

He charged on and saved King from answering.

“I used to come out here a lot when I needed a break from my thoughts and everyone else. At night I can just look out at the dark and clear my mind. I like being in the night air. It feels fresher and cleaner sometimes. Your mom and I have never shied away from telling you I was in a bad place before your mom knew me and we started talking. She saved me long before either of us knew about it. She was a friend. A friend I needed when I felt like I didn’t have anyone. The people who care about me were hiding things and that was difficult to deal with. King, whatever we talk about out here stays here, ok? I want to talk to you cowboy to cowboy.”

“Of course” King nodded and smiled shyly at him. He looked away and back into the darkness. He leaned back so his head was against Blake’s arm and he took that as a good sign. 

“King sometimes life gets difficult and you get caught up trying to please everyone and also trying not to hurt anyone. It can be easier to keep hurt to yourself because you don’t want other people to be hurting too. I did that too, we all do it, but it doesn’t fix anything. And other times we don’t want to rock the boat because we don’t want to get hurt ourselves. It’s normal.”

Blake made sure to keep looking ahead as he spoke so he didn’t put Kingston on the spot. The poor kid looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders these last few days and he assumed that the lack of sleep was a sign it was weighing heavily on his mind still.

He felt King turn and look at him for a few seconds and when he turned to face him he saw his eyes were searching his face. Blake was careful to keep his expression open and neutral and gave King an encouraging smile. 

“What I’m trying to say, but making a terrible job of, is that it’s ok to talk about things and share things that are making you sad or unhappy. If someone has made you unhappy we can make sure it doesn’t happen again. Hell, it doesn’t have to be me you talk to. Before I met your mom poor Betty had to listen to me!”

At the sound of her name Betty lifted her head and looked to see if there was a biscuit on offer. Seeing nothing she dropped her head back at King’s foot. King looked down at her and took a deep breath like he was ready to speak before he let it out again and slumped his shoulders and dropped his chin to his chest.

“But what if you’re scared of the truth?”

“Hmm what do you mean? You don’t want to hear their answer when you tell someone?” Blake asked as he racked his head. Was 4AM the best time for this chat??

Blake watched as Kingston started wringing his hands as he tried to work out what he wanted to say. His chin was low still against his chest and when he spoke, his voice was quieter and slightly higher pitch than normal, like he was trying not to cry.

“What if…someome…has said something that you hope isn’t true but you’re scared if you ask that you’ll find out it is true.”  
Blake’s heart hurt for the kid. Also he was pretty sure he’d never needed anyone’s help as much as he needed Gwen right now. Although, he had a slight feeling that if she had been here Kingston wouldn’t have said what he did. Blake was nervous about screwing this up though.

“King, I don’t know what to tell you without knowing more but…sometimes, yes, the truth does hurt but for different reasons. Sometimes it hurts because you were in denial and don’t see things. Sometimes it hurts because the person who said it originally was purposely trying to hurt you.” Blake paused and tried to think of an example.

“Here’s one for you. Remember Zuma’s luminous lime green sneakers he wanted? They were god awful but when we saw Zuma looking so happy in them we all told him they looked great. The truth would have hurt him so we focused more on how happy he looked in them. But imagine you and Zuma had had a fight that day. If you wanted to hurt him all you’d have to do was tell him you hated his shoes.”

Blake could only think of one example to give Kingston about when the truth hurt but he didn’t know if it was too much for one kid to hear. He also didn’t know if he wanted it all dragged up again. He decided to go all in.

“Not that long ago someone was hurting me intentionally by doing something that wasn’t nice. Some other people knew and when I started to suspect something was happening my friends tried to convince me otherwise. Even though they knew the truth they lied to me because they knew the truth would crush me”. 

He sighed heavily before he continued

“Bud, I know you’re hurting right now and your mom and I just want to know that you’re ok. Nothing you can say will change the way we feel about you. I hope you’re not holding back because you don’t want to hurt your mom” Blake’s tone had lowered as he spoke as he had seen a few tears drop onto Kingston’s hands that were clasped tightly together. 

When Kingston went to speak again his voice was a hoarse whisper as he fought the tears.

“What if you’re scared. If I tell you and it’s true I don’t know what I’ll do but if I tell you and it’s not true then someone else will get it trouble” the voice trembled at the end and Blake listened to a few deep sniffs. 

“Kingston…I love you, please remember that. You’re here and you’re safe. I would never do anything to hurt you. There will be times when I’ll do something you won’t agree with but I’ll always have your best interests at heart. I’m sure when you’re a teenager I’ll piss you off but I will always love you. No matter what” 

Kingston lifted his head snd turned it towards Blake, finding his eyes and looking deep into them. 

“Blake do you and mom wish I’d never been born?” Kingston whispered, the fear in his voice loud.  
The world as he knew it stopped around Blake. He could hear nothing as he felt his body go into low motion. The words whirled around his head before his senses returned, louder than before. He could hear everything. He could hear the crickets buzzing in his ear, the whoosh of the breeze, the breaths of Betty as she slept on. And although people would tell him he was being silly, he could swear he could hear Kingston’s heart cracking as it broke. 

Blake had never felt an instant heartbreak with such a physical reaction. He felt a flash of sheer rage as he wondered who the FUCK put that thought in the kids head. His gut twisted and his heart pounded violently against his chest. As he wrestled his emotions he mentally shook himself and tried to keep himself from springing up to track down whoever put that thought into an eleven year olds head. 

“Kingston, bud, why would you even think that? I have never once, EVER, wished that you hadn’t been born. I’m blessed to have you in my life as much as I’m blessed to have your mom” Blake spoke from the heart.

Blake shifted to turn his body to face King and wiped the tears running down his face. He put his hands on the side of Kingston’s arms and squeezed him slightly as he spoke again. He felt like he had a golf ball lodged in his throat, such was his uphill struggle to stop himself form crying. 

“You’ve brought out the best in me! You and your brothers have brought out a side of me that I didn’t even know existed. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have such fantastic kids in my life. I thought my chance of being around children was gone. I never pictured a time where I’d have kids like you running about the ranch, throwing balls for Betty, helping me plant and pick the crops. I never thought I’d get the chance to have movie nights, cheer on school basketball games or help make that Mother’s Day cards like the one you wanted to make last year. You have given me so many chances to be a better person” Blake finished his speech by lowering his hands and grabbing Kingston’s.

Kingston was still crying silent tears and let them run down his face uninterrupted to drip onto both their hands. Betty chose that point to stand up and prop her front paws up to rest on Blake’s knee, whimpering at Kingston’s face when she saw the tears.

“Hell, kid, even my dog loves you. You’re her baby too” Blake jokes, trying to lighten the mood a little. His brow furrowed though as he wondered why the hell an 11 year old boy could even think that. 

“King buddy, can I ask why you could ever think that might even be even remotely close to true?” Blake asked gently, not wanting to show Kingston his true feelings.

He watched as King squeezed his eyes shut and tensed his whole body. Blake felt a wave of foreboding wash over him as King built up the courage to speak.

“Um…well…its just…umm…my Dad told me.

Blake felt a rush of heat wash over him from his head down to his chest and stomach, where it seemed to freeze into a solid block of ice. 

Blake caught himself before he said something he’d definitely regret but his heart felt heavy as he tried to imagine what that must have been like to hear. 

“Ki…Kingston, wh…, why…umm…WHY. I can’t even…”

Blake stopped himself, took a breath and tried again as he gently reached up and wiped the tears now streaming down King’s face.

“Buddy, look at me. Don’t be afraid. I can tell you, hand on heart, that neither me or your Mom have ever EVER had a thought even close to that? I gotta ask you though, why did he say that to you? Did something happen?”

He kept his eyes on Kingston’s and when he finally met his gaze Blake could see the raw pain and hurt that filled them. He saw a flicker of hope, hope that maybe what his dad said wasn’t true. 

“King, you are one of the best things in my life. I’m so thankful that God brought you into my life. I am proud everyday of who you are, the big brother you are and the way you look after your mom so well when I’m not around. I’m honoured that you choose to spend time with me and that you have taken on the ranch, Oklahoma, my music and my dog. You are so like your mom because you wear your heart on your sleeve and you’re so honest. You’re such a caring young man and I know when you’re older I’ll be honoured to share a drink with you. You know I can’t speak for your mom but I know 100%, she has never said that. Or thought it. Your mom is one proud momma who lives for you and your brothers. You are her first born and good luck to anyone who ever tries to hurt you.”

As Blake spoke he could see Kingston’s tears slowing down but still his heart ached for him. He made a decision o squash down the sheer rage he felt towards Gavin scumbag Rossdale and focus on making Kingston see how much he valued him. 

“I don’t know why your Dad said that to you but I can tell you it’s bullcrap. I have never said anything against your Dad to you and I won’t now either but I am telling you now, I will tell him myself that it’s bullcrap. No one has the right to say such a hurtful thing to anyone, nevermind a child, but seriously King, it’s not true”.

King sniffed a few times and as Blake finished speaking he looked up and into his eyes. 

“But I look like my dad, EVERYONE says it. I’m a reminder of what he did. The way he hurt mom. She must look at me and think of him” Kingston tearfully whispered, his voice cracking as he mentioned his mom.

Blake’s head was spinning. Who had filled the kids head with such nonsense?!  
Gavin. Go figure. 

“Buddy, you don’t remind me of your dad. Why would you think that?! I look at you and I see YOU. I see your mom in your eyes though. You both have this way of looking at me like you can see into my soul. Particularly when I’m being accused of eating the last cookie and you look at me with those big brown eyes and I crumble!” Blake finished with a smile and a squeeze of Kingston’s hands. 

“You are your own person King. And I love you all the more for it”, Blake finished.

King nodded before taking a big breath.

“I knew it. I knew it way deep down when he said it but I just didn’t know why he said it so I figured it must be true. And then someone else said I was his double and I thought well it must be true. And that maybe mom didn’t want to tell me. And that you preferred it when I wasn’t around” he quietly said, looking back at his hands and his voice still a pitch or two higher than normal.

Blake fought the urge to interrupt and to tell him it wasn’t true, and instead let him talk. He figured he’d feel better when he got it all off his chest.

“He got angry last week when he caught me listening to your album in bed. He said that I wasn’t a country hick like you and that I was a rocker like him. That me and him were 2 peas in a pod. He said you didn’t want a kid around that looked, talked and acted like him”. 

Blake still felt out his depth in this conversation so just continued to speak from the heart.

“Bud, I never think of anyone else when I look at you. I see you and sometimes I see you in your brothers but only because you are such a fantastic big brother and they look up to you. Your mom is so proud of you, I know it. She tells me all the time how blessed she is to have had you”.

Kingston looked at him, nodded slowly then smiled gently. Blake knew everything was far from over but they’d got over the first hurdle.

Blake sat back beside Kingston and pulled him into a sideways hug by wrapping his arm around his shoulders. He felt him sag into the side of him like he’d done before and Blake moved to let King rest his head on his shoulder. He looked out across his land and felt Kingston yawn heavily beside him. He thought about moving them but decided to stay where they were. As the eleven year old got heavier against his side Blake’s thought turned to Gavin and he felt sick thinking that someone could hurt their own child that way. He felt guilty, guilty that he was the reason for Gavin saying what he had said. Whatever Gavin had done in his marriage to Gwen, he had never gone out of him way to hurt his children. Well, aside from the obvious. Blake felt sick as he realised he would need to tell Gwen something. 

Kingston shifted and turned slightly into Blake’s side as he slept and Blake gazed down at Kingston’s face and wondered how the hell he was going to try and fix this mess. He knew there was more to the Gavin story and maybe he’d get more tomorrow or even the next day but for now all he wanted to do was let Kingston sleep.


End file.
